


Obedience

by AkaiBaraPark



Series: Torn pages [5]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Epistolary, Other, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:16:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22553128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaiBaraPark/pseuds/AkaiBaraPark
Summary: He learnt to be obedient since birth. Who was to tell him, love didn't taste like ash?
Series: Torn pages [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796137
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Obedience

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy

Tasteless, tiring, depressing.  
Life was like this.  
To him, life was the worst adventure he had to go through. He never asked for this to happen, for life to shake his body awake. 

The note that he left on his bedside table remained there, untouched and still neatly folded.  
He was seeing a counselor. A nice lady who saw him cry his eyes out one day when the gloomy weather got the best of him.  
That's what he liked to think at least.  
That day was just, a bad one and the counselor kept on pushing him to work on projects for his future. 

"You need to choose something" she said.  
"You need to work on your future and the job you want"  
"You need to"  
"You NEED to" 

He knew.  
He needed to.  
He was programmed as a child to know that he needed to be a good boy.  
To work hard by himself with no possibility of receiving help.  
He wanted to please both his parents, to convince them he wasn't a failure.  
His grades were "just enough" and he was "good enough".  
But he came to learn that enough, in fact, never was enough.  
He started, from a young age, to despise his own self.  
He would receive compliments that didn't matter to him. On how beautiful he was or how good he was at singing.  
These were blatant lies and he understood that very early on. When he was asked to stop singing or talking all together. Or when he was told he was too chubby even though he really wasn't. 

He was good. But not excellent.  
And deep down he wanted to be.  
Just so that he could feel human and happy again.

His friends, his best friends, they were good people, people he believed in. People he wanted to help achieve all their most improbable dreams. He wanted them to be the happiest alive. And he decided to work toward it.  
He treated his friends like he said he would. Decided to cover up his pain with a smile and just took the fall again and again. 

He felt used.  
Always.  
After a call with his dad, the idea of him being more of an object than a human got stronger. 

He had always been "a window kid".  
A precious toy that people complimented. But all these compliments and congratulations were ripped away from him. Every time.  
Not that he didn't hear them, but the words never seemed to be directed to him.  
His dad, he rejoiced in them. Being the first one to scream about his son having graduated. Yeah, even his own achievements weren't his. 

So he dropped out.  
Got his diploma and dropped out. With no future and no desire to see the Light of day again.  
Maybe his dad was right about him not having any brains anymore.  
He always worked on overdrive. His head was empty and his heart mostly numb.  
Sometimes he even asked himself if he really liked anyone around him.  
All that because he despised himself so much.  
Deserved nothing.  
He was just a doll in a cage. Conditioned to be good and the perfect little toy.  
That's how he grew up. And, it took time for him to understand it. His friends had to tell him it wasn't ok. That sure, some had it worst, but it was still abuse.  
He was being abused.  
And the fact was, to him, it was what family love tasted like. 

Love tasted like ash and salted water.  
Love was bitter.  
Love was painful.  
And he never wanted to know that the love he knew, wasn't real.

**Author's Note:**

> Glad you made it.  
> Take care of yourself. And remember, you are your own self.


End file.
